Monday, 27 February 2012

Are you going through a Transition?

Many people, each year, go through a Transition and when doing so experience immense emotional upheaval. When you look-up the term Transition, it is defined as "passage from one form, state, style, or place to another". 
Transition boils down to being something like; Outplacement/Redundancy, Separation/Divorce, leaving College or University or even stepping up into a Promotion or taking a New Job. Transition can be a major event too, for people like ex: Forces personnel, where it is a full life change which takes them from one environment, culture and community to a new and often alien one. 

I introduce Transition as being "when you are leaving behind the sense of who you are and where you have established an identity/connection (expressed in a current work or lifestyle) to start afresh". 

The impact emotionally of adjusting to new cultures at work or socially, understanding behaviours and politics around you, dealing with new relationships and finding inner motivations to keep yourself going, I suspect is not something you will have ever been told to consider, when making a change to some aspect of your life.

Another major factor is the wider impact of a person's Transition upon any immediate family, colleagues, friends or acquaintances and that can cause longer term issues that need to be addressed.

Time to consider this...

One of the most important things to recognise in your life today, is that all around us are factors that will significantly affect how we live our lives! From the moment you wake, other people are impacting upon you. Their thinking, emotions and behaviours will inhibit or facilitate you as you go through each day. 

Many of us are never taught about the People Factor as we grow up, i.e. the thinking, emotions and behaviours that go on all around us, which drive the best and worst decisions, making or breaking relationships and inhibiting or facilitating progress (planned or unplanned). We all struggle(d) with "Why" things are happening as they are, "How" to get things under control again....

Teacher becomes Manager... training wasn't enough!
A client attended one of my Transition workshops, because although she undertook and self-funded specific training she felt would help her in the move into management (moving into a new school to take the role), she was struggling to settle into the role and was finding that the Transition was quite stressful and emotionally exhausting. Not uncommonly the Transition process she had undertaken, had not incorporated her own needs and how to plan for and adapt to the thinking, emotions and behaviours of people she was going to be working with and leading. It didn't have any evaluation method for evenings and weekends.

The balance of insightful People Factor planning and methodical self evaluating was missing. 

In essence she was stuck adjusting to new cultures at work, not understanding behaviours and politics around her, trying to build new relationships and through all of this emotional turmoil, trying to find inner motivations to keep herself going.

Do you recognise this?
Transition, as I have stated above, is something that many people are involved with. However, not many consider the people aspect (themselves and their needs, plus how to navigate the thinking, emotions and behaviours they will face). If you are taking a new job, have lost your job, are in a difficult stage in your relationship, have a teenager who is going through a difficult stage, or perhaps you are in the middle of a major change at work..... this is Transition. How you deal with the People Factor, determines how you cope and continue without stress and strain.

The People Factor is not "fluffy" stuff, it is real and does make an impact upon your life.

If you want to know more about making the Transition in your life more effective and rewarding (for you and others) consider how you deal with the People Factor.

Until next time.... Jay

By The Way....... yes she is continuing in the role and I am helping her. Never give up!

Friday, 24 February 2012

Pitting People Against Each Other, Why Do It?

Have you ever wondered why leaders have a tendency to pit people against each other in what they think is merely a friendly competition to create a bit of a buzz, or to motivate in some way?

Everywhere I go, whether in work or social environments I see and hear the well intentioned banter that is supposed to be "pushing people together" or "motivating". I felt humorously compelled to write this when out recently and saw a youth football team training together publicly.

Picture the scene, loads of youngsters trying to impress their coach, friends and passers-by as they go through their training session. Each have their own levels of skill and ability and the dynamics are fascinating to watch. What I observed was typical of any work or social environment containing adults, the "motivation" and "team work" strategy used was to pit the youngsters against each other, poke fun, highlight failure and weakness as a way of "snapping them out of it" and pulling them all together. I smiled to myself as I recognised my own youth and that this is a typical scene everywhere you go where humans interact.

This is how many people in leadership roles (at work or within a community) assume that they can get best results from people in their team or group. It is ingrained as a tactic to get the best results, it's harmless and works... right?

I can tell you for sure, that this strategy can and probably is tearing the team or group apart!. 

Why? All of us carry within us a range of insecurities and needs (many hide them extremely well and you would not guess). Bringing up sensitive issues to try and motivate or stimulate competition and energy, or ignoring the visual tension displayed and playing favourites, or using sarcasm to make a point, are all ways to stir up issues.  It drives resentment, frustration, insecurities and divides people.

Next time you see this tactic being used, at work , at home or socially, watch what goes on within the group. Watch the reaction of those under the leaders spot light (their body and use of language). Ask yourself, I wonder what is going on in their minds right now, and how they will feel in a couple of hours time. Also, ask yourself if the person with the spot light is even aware of what they are doing.
No one likes to feel small in front of their peers, siblings or team mates; even if the thinking is that it’s the push they need to improve or get the message.  It simply doesn't work as a way of jolting people into action and competing against each other.

How you actually motivate people and teams is by getting to the heart and mind of each person. You need to establish (yes take the time to research the person), what they are driven by and  then, simply by using positive language - that the person relates to and recognises -  you can motivate them unconsciously! You can make them aware of what they need to do, as well as make them feel they can do it, by communicating in their own language (through the way that they look at life and what human needs are driving them unconsciously).
Why concern yourself with this? 
The same understanding and ability to communicate in a deeper way, helps you to form the types of connections with people that you have never thought possible.

Imagine being able to interact better and more successfully at work! Imagine being able to spot a conflict coming and defuse it! Imagine being able to get better results simply by knowing the person better and connecting with them in a way that by-passes fake smiles and distracted dialogue.

Reality shows are all the rage, why? because we are fascinated with other humans (as well as animals), yet we don't know very much about what is going on. We yearn for tips to use to get better results (Super Nanny, Dog Whisperer, etc).

Stick with me and I will help you to build up an understanding of what is going on around you, and how to navigate your way to a more fruitful life and work experience. Why? because it will make life less frustrating and complex if you can understand the types of behaviours around you - and what causes them!

Take a look at the previous Posts to get an insight into Human Needs. I will be putting up a range of video's on my website, which will also appear on You Tube.

Go on, why not subscribe!
Until next time...... Jay

Monday, 13 February 2012

Your Mindset - Is It Costing You?

Last week I met a great guy called Andy Cope, who is the founder of a company called Art of Brilliance, he was presenting to 150+ teachers at a major School in UK. I have followed Andy's activities for a few months now, as I am always interested in fellow professionals who help People to get more out of their lives, to understand themselves and others better. 
Andy is a Happiness Expert and travels the UK - in much demand - introducing audiences to the value of living your life within the 2% zone. In short, we experience our greatest pleasure when in the right frame of mind but this tends only to be 2% of the time. This good 2% mind-set allows you to see and in turn actually take control of and enjoy life. Andy states and I agree, life is not a rehearsal and many of us get locked into the negative 98% and miss-out on the 2% that makes us totally and blissfully happy. Check him out on You Tube, not only does he entertain, but he knows his stuff (he will soon complete his Doctorate and then call himself Dr of Happiness).
The Science:
According to the US National Science Foundation, our brains produce as many as 50,000 thoughts per day. Ninety-five percent of these thoughts are repeated daily. Your thoughts become your beliefs which, in turn, become your mindset. Your mindset governs your actions, which lead to your results. In short, if you have a mindset that limits your potential then you will likely accept limited results in your life.
Be Honest:
I always ask clients "Do you have a mindset that limits what’s possible in your life or one that encourages you to see potential and possibility and move past obstacles?" Or, "Are you more familiar with the words can’tunattainable, and impossible or do you naturally see solutions and challenge the status quo?"
For me, one of the most effective ways to change your mindset is to be honest with yourself and consider the following question: “What is my current mindset costing me?”
Consider then the following questions and outcomes:
  • Are you staying in a job you dislike because you have convinced yourself you are not qualified to do anything else or start your own business and be an entrepreneur? This could be preventing you from feeling excited about your day, finding your passion, and making a valuable contribution to the world.
  • Are you staying in an unfulfilling relationship because you have convinced yourself you can’t meet anyone else or don’t deserve better? This could be preventing you from meeting a loving partner who respects you and wants to build a great life together.

Sometimes it’s hard to quantify the financial and emotional costs of having a limiting mindset, but they are real and show up in every facet of your life on a physical, emotional, mental, financial, and spiritual level. Ask yourself then, is your mindset costing you happiness, good health, time, love, money, laughter, opportunities, or peace of mind?
Take a moment and move through the key areas of your life — Career, Relationships, Finances, Fun & Creativity, and Healthy Living — to consider if your mindset is holding you back from reaching your greatest potential. This exercise is fun to do with a friend as well.
Remember, you decide how you think and what becomes a can or can’tStart asking yourself what’s possible and what you really want to accomplish.
Consider Where You Are Today: 
Our thoughts are powerful because they create the mindset that we live by. In moving forward, sometimes you need to take a moment to reflect if you have all the internal resources necessary to be your best – mindset is one of them. It’s time to be aware what your current mindset is costing you.
Until next time.... Jay

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